...in the early 21st century, an internet radio station known as GeeksRadio.fm was created...
...in and of itself this was not so unusual, internet radio stations are a dime a dozen...
...but in the hiring of one extraordinary radio personality, the face of audial entertainment was changed forever...
...with his confusing diatribes, and complete contempt for his audience...
...he forged his unique path across the airwaves, and cemented himself in radio history cement...
...what follows, are the complete archives of this young mans work, so that it may be preserved & revered...
...i give to you,
The Sven Vollstag Variety Hour
...
01 - Apple, Microsoft, Creative - 12/08
...Sven tackles the mighty technology industry, and attempts to inject corporate bias in the process...
...this was the show that started it all, and changed the world as we know it...
...scholars and children take note, this was the first appearance of the improvised ramble...
02 - George Lucas & Steven Spielberg - 12/08
...Svens favourite topic - Films and the brilliant men who make them, quickly devolves into an all out brawl...
...where Sven must battle imaginary foes for the good of all mankind, will he succeed?...
...can the battle even be won? what is a battle? whats that rattle? i hear R's as B's...
03 - School - 12/08
...Sven looks back on his traumatic schoolyard days...
...as usual, his biggest obstacle is his own mind - but will he see it coming before its too late?...
...or will this pyschosomatic boulder prove an immovable metaphysical barrier? Its a two parter!...
04 - Destiny - 12/08
...Sven stares into the face of the cosmos, but sees only blackness...
...yet after removing the lens cap, Sven ponders his destiny amongst the stars, and the will of the universe...
...Sven hopes he is in it, but those greedy estate lawyers always get the lions share...
...also of note on this same day, after Sven's show was another broadcast...
..."Nigel Thornby Plays Music From The Twentieth Century"...
...a show which is available purely for historic purposes...
05 - Science - 12/08
...in his youth, Sven did not appreciate the Sciences due to devotion towards other pursuits...
...and so now he wanders the halls of lonlieness, lamenting what could have been...
...and mourning missed oppurtunities - can his renewed interests redeem him?...
...or will the Scientific community be forced to revoke his Nobel Peace Prize for Archery?...
06 - Sleep - 12/08
...we all need sleep, and no one appreciates it more than Sven...
...unfortunately, his clearly deteriorating mental condition has permanently ruptured his sleep patterns...
...instead, Sven reminisces on what it was once like to live the life of a Cicada...
...a recording of the second "Nigel Thornby" show is also available...
...something for which flowerlandfilms.com apologises profusely...
07 - Christmas - 25/12/08
...no matter the country or religion, there is an immediate understanding of the meaning of Festivus...
...the yuletide season where pagan rituals and Aluminum poles abound...
...this special Christmas Edition of the Sven Vollstag Variety Hour celebrates the joys of Qwanza...
08 - Socialising - 26/12/08
...Socialising. The scourge of modern society...
...more than the threat of Polio, or Galactic Domination by alien forces...
...it is the single most terrifying event that threatens to tear the very fabric of our beings apart...
...and so it is with deep sadness that Sven reveals he has been invited to a BBQ...
...and that Alas, he shall never return...
09 - New Years Eve - 31/12/08
...Sven returns to give us a grave and horrifying account of his romantic past...
...what is the secret of New Years Eve? Who is this Nessie character?...
...Will Santas Ghost point the way to the lost treasure?...
...as 2008 draws to an end, the answers to many of these questions become more and more irrelevant...
10 - Theft - 02/01/09
...Stealing is fun...
...Sven knows this. But its all fun and games until someone steals an eye that got poked out by a thief...
...probably one with a glass eye. Sven investigates this heinous crime...
11 - Drugs - 05/01/09
...drugs are bad m'kay?...
...but are they really? yes they are. watch Sven debate a one sided argument with himself...
...its incredibly amusing...
12 - Television - 06/01/09
...the greatest invention of the twentieth century is discussed in this episode of Svens show...
...his rosey attitude towards his only childhood friend shines through, revealing his inner sadness...
...what a pathetic idiot...